The Burden of My Heart

Today at morning fellowship, the topic was Spiritual Warfare.  Sometimes, in my questioning moments of the existence of God, this real battle is what again assures me I need the Grace of God in my life everyday in order to survive.  These battles also reveal His presence more vividly.

Yesterday was my second visit to Shao Jun's orphanage.  The reality of the spiritual battle was present in our activities yesterday.  Being that it was the Sunday after Easter, we had plans to share the Gospel with the ayis.  We hid eggs for the kids to hunt, and in a short interim, some students who were visiting the elderly at the facility had helped themselves to the eggs meant for the children.  On top of that, the afternoon was supposed to be our devoted sharing time, but the office staff was late and the "morning meeting" had to be held in the afternoon.  We never got to share the Gospel today. 

After my second visit with Shao Jun today, not only do I just think she is adorable, I feel a real burden on my heart for her.  Until now, I simply wanted to make her happy while I was there, try to make her less miserable, and give her a bright spot to look forward to.  Now, its more than that.   

Jason just left after being here for a visit of 13 days.  We had a wonderful time exploring sites, eating out, and experiencing a new culture together.  In our time together, we discussed adoption.  It is something we both agreed to before marrying.  We both want a birth child of our own, but I really feel our time for adoption is now, that we need to hurry, or that we are going to miss the path God is so burningly pushing me toward.  My heart-wrenching burden is for this child who needs to be rescued, not a year or two from now, but now.  I also know, however, that God wants our hearts to be united in this decision and if it is meant to be, He will make the path clear.

I poured my heart out to my fellow believers today.  I have professed my burdens and laid them at the feet of God.  I am thankful for my friends here who  share my beliefs and are willing to pray for the things that burden me.  We prayed for the orphans, for patience and understanding, for clarity and trust.